By Morgan Hixson
May 9, 2019
Over my first year at SBU, I have done my best to be aware of the people around me, just in case I overhear anything interesting. Let’s just say it was worthwhile, though I may have had to sacrifice my sanity. Without further ado, I present SBU Overheard. (Note: for maximum comedy, fear, and confusion, the following quotes will be presented without any context and with total anonymity.)
Section 1: the mildly concerning
“I’m on a first name basis with the angel of death, and his name is Terry.”
“Life sucks, and then you die.”
“I’ve never seen a Caucasian stickman.”
“Is it weird that I have a strange urge to wear a ski mask?”
“I’m gonna shank you with this corn dog.”
"My 15 year old girlfriend just died in a bar fight."
“Does this ever make you feel like you’re exiting the womb again?”
“Don’t tell that to the Hungarian molesters.”
Section 2: the relatable
“Frostbite? I prefer the term convenient excuse to skip class.”
“I wish I could come to the thing tonight, but I have too much stuff to not do.”
“Yeah I need good stuff on my butthole.”
“I try to love everyone but today I just can’t.”
“I just want to be rich already.”
Section 3: the section where we wonder if SBU’s population is stupid
“GNC: Gangstas never quit.”
“The American Civil War had nothing to do with slavery.”
“We don’t waste money on poor people.”
“Bro, what does a 70 over 100 even translate to for my grade?”
“We aren’t getting taller but we are getting younger.”
“The only thing I have that starts with an ‘R’ is ‘A radical good time’."
"That starts with an a."
"Shut up."
Section 4: the different discussions but similar energies section
“I must be doing push-ups in my sleep. One morning imma wake up jacked.”
“Hey wanna come see this toilet?”
“Does anyone know what kind of drugs Mother Nature is on? Because I want those drugs.”
“The turning point was when Jesus popped the question to his 12 disciples.”
“Jim Crow wasn’t a real person, he was a folk character. Like Paul Bunyan, but for racists.”
“That’s a chocolate moo bird.”
“Hump ‘em and dump ‘em.”
"I just hit the red dude."
Section 5: the leftovers
“So THAT’S a good reason to get a divorce.”
“Why are you touching princess sparkles?!”
“Do you like watching my gambling addiction?”
"I just hit the red dude."
“Dating is wonderful, marriage is great, but being engaged is absolute hell.”
“You’re smuggling a child into the dance?”
“There is no down button on this expectation elevator.”
And there you have it folks. Tune in next year for another volume of SBU Overheard. Until then, have a great summer!
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Infuse Student Media or Southwest Baptist University.
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