By Morgan Hixson
It is now my second year as a student at SBU. Now that I am a veteran student, I’m really starting to think I know the campus inside and out. Since it is 2019, that means I have to share what I think online for all the world to see.
So, without further adu, here is my objectively correct list about the best and worst aspects of SBU’s campus.
Best: Trees! Trees! Trees! Trees!
Who doesn’t like trees? Nobody, that’s who. So it is with great pleasure that I can report that SBU has at least seventeen trees on the main campus. Whenever I am feeling down (or hungry) I can simply look at one of the at least seventeen trees and feel better. :)
Worst: The Parking Lot Paradox
This is what I like to call it when nobody has a car to drive the squad anywhere. Everyone drives to class, and yet there is never any parking anywhere. Annoying, right? The result of this paradox is that cars will apparently materialize out of thin air in a parking space a mere five seconds before you were planning on parking in that space. I am not sure why SBU thought this feature was a good thing to include in their parking lots, as it is quite irritating.
Best: There’s a bell tower!
You see the thing about bell towers is that they are awesome. Having one on campus automatically gives the campus +10 coolness points and +35 culture points. Oh? What is that you are telling me right now? That this bell tower doesn’t count because there is no bell in it?
Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of me not caring about your invalid opinion.
Worst: Sidewalk cracks layout
This one is something I am sure we agree on. You know, of course, about the importance of NOT stepping on cracks (unless you are mad at your mom, but that’s neither here nor there) when walking on a sidewalk? Well my friends, I am sorry to inform you that with my natural gait, the sidewalk cracks on campus are laid out in such a way that it is nearly impossible for me to accomplish this important task! I am having to constantly break my stride, crow-hop, and just generally look like a weirdo whenever I am traversing these horrendous campus walkways. Naturally, I find this quite problematic, and so should you. Do better, SBU.
Best: The Wheeled Revolution
I went back and forth on which category to put this one in, because I hate the fact that my ankles are constantly in danger of getting lopped off by the error of an owner of a skateboard/longboard/scooter/wheelchair/bicycle/heely. However, once I remembered the entertainment value in seeing a wipeout occur (from a safe distance), I ultimately decided to place the Wheeled Revolution in the ‘best’ category. However, if I find myself suddenly and unexpectedly deprived of an ankle in the coming weeks then I reserve the right to change my verdict.
Worst: The Black Abyss of the Destroyer
This one explains itself.
And there you have it! The best and worst of SBU’s main campus. I hope you agree with this list, because that would mean you are smart and right like me. If you don’t, that’s okay too!
Everyone is entitled to their wrong opinions :)
Alrighty, I think it’s time for me to sign off and go look at some trees. Peace out everyone!
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Infuse Student Media or Southwest Baptist University.
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