By Morgan Hixon
March 09, 2019
The other day when I was running out of ways to procrastinate on studying for midterms, I began reading some of my older entries on this website. During this incredibly effective procrastinating process I learned two things: thing one was that I am a comedic genius whose ability with the keyboard is only exceeded by my level of humility; thing two was how poorly my first article aged. In it, I wrote about my experiences three weeks into college and did not exaggerate or use sarcasm in any way, shape, or form. However, I was struck by how much the me of today disagrees with the me of back then. Old me complained about how it either rained or was really hot, about the humidity, and about how disconcerting it was to be constantly bombarded with groups of high schoolers on campus. Okay I still agree with old me on the latter, but I feel the need to address the other gripes, so here I go.
First off, what a naive, ignorant child I was! Complaining about heat? Really? I wish I had a time machine so I could not-so-politely inform myself that in only a few short months going outside would put him at the mercy of frostbite, at least one ice age per week, winds so extreme they made all the people who ever used the ‘when pigs fly’ expression look extremely foolish, and snow which turned to hail which turned to rain which turned to ice in the span of 0.002 seconds. Then he could at least know to buy ice skates. Of course, that would not really help him because he’s just as bad at ice skating as I am. My goodness, I was so innocent back then. Nowadays I would much prefer walking to Jester in 80-degree weather to walking to the Union in -60 Kelvin weather, only to leave and find that the forum was having an identity crisis and now resembled an arctic tundra themed ice rink. I long for the days when I could get in my car and only feel slightly uncomfortable due to the warmness of it and then be able to immediately drive to wherever I wanted (usually T-Bell). I tried getting in my car last week and after the standard 2-hour car defrost procedure, followed by the standard 1 hour Morgan defrost procedure, I realized all the windows were frozen over. In case Mother Nature reads this I would just like to point out it is now March. Spring should be considered somewhat of a priority on your to-do list, just FYI.
Other than the weather I’d definitely say this semester has gone a good deal better for me than the last one. I’ve worked out an uneasy truce with my alarm clock. I don’t assassinate him and he doesn’t forget to wake me up on time for my classes. Mellers is still… well, Mellers. They still have ice cream and pizza! And other options that are (mostly) edible! Nowadays they even serve good food sometimes! I’ve also mastered all of the essential college skills including ping pong, which only took 7 scars, 3 ripped pairs of jeans, and 400 cracked ping pong balls to master. Procrastination, which I am planning to major in as soon as I get around to declaring a major (I’ll definitely maybe do that next week). Laundry (the trick is to throw all of your dirty clothes in at once except of course for the ones you are currently wearing for the third time, then put a random amount of detergent in and press start). Sleeping with your eyes open. Last, but certainly not least, the art of the Internal Mental Breakdown (I.M.B).
So yeah, things are pretty great. I’m still not stoked about the children who always seem to be on campus or the weather that cannot make up its mind, but it is what it is. Anyways, I’d love to stay and rant but, unfortunately, I have a lot of homework to put off until the last minute, so I should get going.
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Infuse Student Media or Southwest Baptist University.
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