Morgan Hixson
February 11, 2019
Craving Honeycomb? Don’t feel like finding a store that sells any? You’re in luck! Simply obey this easy-to-follow-and-understand manual and your honeycomb craving will be satisfied!
Step 1: Go outside.
Step 2: Enter woods.
Step 3: Find tree.
Step 4: See beehive? If no, see step 5; if yes, see step 9.
Step 5: Is tree climbable? If no, see step 6; if yes, see step 7.
Step 6: Repeat step 3, but in another spot.
Step 7: Climb tree to get better look. See beehive? If no, see step 8; if yes, see step 9.
Step 8: Climb down and see step 6.
Step 9: Commandeer beehive. Does beehive have bees in it? If yes, see step 10; if no, see step 13.
Step 10: Are bees friendly? If no, see step 11; if yes, see step 18.
Step 11: Begin defensive maneuvers. Are you deathly allergic to bees? If yes, see step 12; if no, see step 30.
Step 12: You’re finna die. Are you a Buddhist? If yes, see step 1. If no, pray. May also want to send out last earthly messages to loved ones.
Step 13: Find rock.
Step 14: Smash beehive with rock.
Step 15: Acquaint your hand with piece of honeycomb.
Step 16: Encounter honeycomb with your mouth. Have an allergic reaction? If yes, see step 12; if no, see step 17.
Step 17: Pat yourself on the back and go home. You have now had honeycomb! Yay! Much Celebrate!
Step 18: Are you a good conversationalist? If no, see step 19; if yes, see step 22.
Step 19: Are you by chance loaded with cash? If no, see step 20; if yes, see step 26.
Step 20: Take honeycomb and run.
Step 21: Are you faster than bees? No. You are not. See step 11.
Step 22: Smooth talk your way into the bees’ good graces whilst casually stealing bit of honeycomb. Did they notice? If yes, see step 11; if no, see step 23.
Step 23: Fake a phone call from your great uncle Geoff and apologetically take your leave.
Step 24: Leave.
Step 25: See step 15.
Step 26: Pay off the bees guarding the honeycomb.
Step 27: Receive the honeycomb in the bribe exchange.
Step 28: Did they double cross you? If no, see step 24; if yes, see step 29.
Step 29: See step 20.
Step 30: Run frantically back home.
Step 31: Put ointment on your bee sting injuries and wait until tomorrow.
Step 32: Go to store and purchase bug spray.
Step 33: Return to beehive. IMPORTANT: be sure to bring spray with you! Did you bring it? If yes, see step 34; if no, see step 37.
Step 34: Lure bees away from hive by insulting queen (either the rock band or their leader, both get desired results).
Step 35: Have fun brutally murdering all the bees with your bug spray.
Step 36: See step 13.
Step 37: Go home and get bug spray then come back and see step 34.
The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Infuse Student Media or Southwest Baptist University.
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