Humor | If You're Craving Honeycomb

Morgan Hixson

February 11, 2019

Craving Honeycomb? Don’t feel like finding a store that sells any? You’re in luck! Simply obey this easy-to-follow-and-understand manual and your honeycomb craving will be satisfied!

Step 1: Go outside.

Step 2: Enter woods.

Step 3: Find tree.

Step 4: See beehive? If no, see step 5; if yes, see step 9.

Step 5: Is tree climbable? If no, see step 6; if yes, see step 7.

Step 6: Repeat step 3, but in another spot.

Step 7: Climb tree to get better look. See beehive? If no, see step 8; if yes, see step 9.

Step 8: Climb down and see step 6.

Step 9: Commandeer beehive. Does beehive have bees in it? If yes, see step 10; if no, see step 13.

Step 10: Are bees friendly? If no, see step 11; if yes, see step 18.

Step 11: Begin defensive maneuvers. Are you deathly allergic to bees? If yes, see step 12; if no, see step 30.

Step 12: You’re finna die. Are you a Buddhist? If yes, see step 1. If no, pray. May also want to send out last earthly messages to loved ones.

Step 13: Find rock.

Step 14: Smash beehive with rock.

Step 15: Acquaint your hand with piece of honeycomb.

Step 16: Encounter honeycomb with your mouth. Have an allergic reaction? If yes, see step 12; if no, see step 17.

Step 17: Pat yourself on the back and go home. You have now had honeycomb! Yay! Much Celebrate!

Step 18: Are you a good conversationalist? If no, see step 19; if yes, see step 22.

Step 19: Are you by chance loaded with cash? If no, see step 20; if yes, see step 26.

Step 20: Take honeycomb and run.

Step 21: Are you faster than bees? No. You are not. See step 11.

Step 22: Smooth talk your way into the bees’ good graces whilst casually stealing bit of honeycomb. Did they notice? If yes, see step 11; if no, see step 23.

Step 23: Fake a phone call from your great uncle Geoff and apologetically take your leave.

Step 24: Leave.

Step 25: See step 15.

Step 26: Pay off the bees guarding the honeycomb.

Step 27: Receive the honeycomb in the bribe exchange.

Step 28: Did they double cross you? If no, see step 24; if yes, see step 29.

Step 29: See step 20.

Step 30: Run frantically back home.

Step 31: Put ointment on your bee sting injuries and wait until tomorrow.

Step 32: Go to store and purchase bug spray.

Step 33: Return to beehive. IMPORTANT: be sure to bring spray with you! Did you bring it? If yes, see step 34; if no, see step 37.

Step 34: Lure bees away from hive by insulting queen (either the rock band or their leader, both get desired results).

Step 35: Have fun brutally murdering all the bees with your bug spray.

Step 36: See step 13.

Step 37: Go home and get bug spray then come back and see step 34.

Photo Credit: Wix Images

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Infuse Student Media or Southwest Baptist University.